Closing Due To Racism

Well, everyone out there in the Bird Snatching community, it's my sad and debilitating honor to introduce our final blog with the words "Closing Due To Racism." Well, everyone out there in the Bird Snatching community, I just have two words for you:

Sorry.

We don't always realize when we're being racist, and I think that's half the fun, but the other half of the fun is knowing when you've taken your racism too far. Over the last few months of running this website, I've definitely never taken racism very far, so I'm closing as a precaution rather than because of any sort of necessity, of which there is none.

Bon Voyage, my vixenite, skull-haunted, dream-swiping Bird Snatchers. So Long Forever.

Love,
LaYzEe

The 5 Rules Of Bird Snatching

As you know, the major difference between Bird Watching and Bird Snatching is that you have to actually Snatch at the bird. But here are a few Snatching tactics, for the Bird Snatch Novice. Get ready to get those hands dirty, because Birds will claw your Hands!

Birds will claw your Hands! Birds will claw your Hands!
Birds will claw your Hands!

1) Cradle The Bird
Get that Bird right in your arms and cradle it. This is a unique Bird Snatching technique. Miraculous!

2) Preach To It
Preach To The Bird
Everybody hates Preachy Pamelas, but not when it comes to Bird Snatching. Get that bird on the side of THE LORD so you can Snatch it right up into your greasy wrists. Good LORD willin' or the Bird don't Snatch.

3) Elope
Sometimes, when your family doesn't approve of your marriage or when you want to get married right away and not have to plan or anything like that, people can just elope.

4) Handvac
Snatch up that unsuspecting Bird with a quick spray of your Hand-i-vac, vacuum of the future today!

5) Tell It It's Family Is Dead
If your bird friend thinks its family is dead, YIKEs! It'll not care about being Snatched up by a girl like you. Put those freshly painted nails to the ultimate test! When you see Bird Tears, that's a good time to Snatch.

Keep in touch,
LaYzEe (that's my new s/n! I'm Philip Brightmore's tragic uncle.)

Welcome To My Website About Bird Snatching!

Welcome, dear reader!

You've stumbled across the most magnanimous, aviarious, and downright bird-brained site on the entire internet!!

"Taste 5 Maker" will be henceforth dedicated to informing, reforming and "informing" all you wild and wonderful Bird Snatching enthusiasts.

Before we get started with the posts, I just want to open up a dialogue where our readers can learn how I originally got involved in the Bird Snatching business, starting with my early days as a youth, visiting my grandfather on the plains of Indiana. Since then, Bird Snatching has become a job, a career, a hobby, and moreover, something I do in my spare time.

It all started when I was out Bird Watching with my dad, Cary. He'd burdened my ten-year-old neck with a pair of army-ready binoculars, complete with zoom focus and wind speed coefficient for ballistics operation. Wow oh wow! Like yesterday, is how I remember it.

That fall, my dad was eaten! I had to go live with finicky old grampa Samson. Grampa Samson showed me that Bird Watching was for sissies. That's when he showed me the art of Bird Snatching, which requires twice the tenacity and one and a half times the fortitude. Thanks Grampa Samson!

More on Bird Snatching in future posts. Until then, Happy Snatching!

Yours in spirit,
Philip Brightmore Samson, Jr.